Too Much Bad News Isin't Good For You

I recently got the news that my Nephew, Rob has cancer. Rob lived with us for 6 months last year. He is my brother's son. They live in Tenn. Rob just turned 28 years old. Needless to say, my family, especially my brother's portion, has had a really traumatic year this year. My poor sister-in-law lost her father, son, grandson, and now another son has cancer. I can't even fathom the pain she must live with. I do feel the burden of sharing in every one's grief. I think pretty much our whole family is on anti-depressants. Thank goodness for medicine!
I don't remember anything like this as a child. We were shielded from these things. Ignorance can truly be bliss! It's times like this that being an adult really stinks. It seems like everyone I know has been touched by cancer in some way or another. I hate cancer, and my wish for the new year, is that someone finds the cure. Wouldn't it be wonderful if in the very near future, we could just get a cancer vaccine?! Maybe if we all wish it really hard, it might come true. Well, this is Jean, just venting again. Thanks for reading.

Reflecting On The Year's Success

Here’s to another successful year! We’ve all had our ups and downs this year, but overall, it was a successful one. Mom celebrated her 77th birthday. The kids started school. There were some great get-togethers at friends’ homes.

We lost some people who were very dear to our hearts. But, we have to be thankful for the joyful memories they bestowed upon us. Sometimes, what hurts us can make us stronger. It’s important to validate the roles each person plays in our lives. If I have learned anything this year….it’s to appreciate everyone you know for whatever it is that they bring to the table. You might not realize it at present, but they are an important part of your life, or you wouldn’t know them. In some way, everyone makes us see something in ourselves, that maybe we weren’t looking for at first.

So, with that said….surround yourselves with friends, both old and new. If you’ve lost something or someone…find it/them! Only you can bring upon your own success. Life is about living it, not sitting back and waiting for it to happen! Reach out and share yourself with someone. Like we just did………

SUCCESS

Success is speaking words of praise, in cheering other people’s ways.
In doing just the best you can, with every task and every plan.
It’s silence when your speech would hurt, and politeness at your neighbor’s curt.
It’s deafness when the scandal flows, and sympathy with other’s woes.
In all of life, and nothing less, we find the things we call success.
- by Mary Steiner Rice

(I memorized this poem when I was a child, it has always stayed with me.)

Happy Holidays and Have a great New Year!

Thanks to You!

Well, it's been a very long time since I last blogged. Sorry about that. I didn't realize that anyone actually was interested in what I had to say. I am pleasantly surprised that some of you (Mike and Kerry) enjoyed reading my stuff. Thanks.

The kids are getting big and my family is doing well. My Mom celebrated her 77th birthday this weekend. We were all thankful for that. We had a nice luncheon at Michael's Restaurant on Saturday. She was feeling good, and really was able to enjoy the kids.

I just want to say Happy Holidays to everyone, and hope that we all can enjoy a great Christmas! I am thankful to have reconnected with old friends, and staying in touch with everyone. It is important to realize the things and people that make your heart smile.

Hope to talk to you soon. Love, Jeannie

Splish Splash....We had a Bash!!!!

The rain tried its best to stop Claire and Kurt's pool party/BBQ Birthday. Everyone showed great spirit and endurance. We survived the day, and it was a fun one. The kids had a blast. I am very happy to have seen everyone. I only wish that I could have spent more time socializing.
I want to thank everyone for their stream of gifts and good wishes. Claire, Kurt and Scott were very thankful for their gifts. It was like opening presents on Christmas day, once we got home to Sparta.
I'm glad that you all got to see my Mother, looking so well. They had a rough ride home in terrible rain pours. I guess lower Jersey and Delaware was getting some really bad weather.
We are looking forward to the Gerauds' pool party, and seeing everyone again. I will be visiting with as many people as possible the week Kevin is in Hong Kong. I'll fill you all in on the upcoming events, as they unfold. Love, Jean

July Birthdays

Well, next year we are going to separate Claire and Kurt's birthdays. I don't think the combined party deal is fair to Kurt or Scott, since Claire always seems to outshine everyone else. She just doesn't get that it's not only her party, but Kurt's as well. And, Scott just feels left out. So, back to singular birthday parties. As for the adults, October is approaching and I would like to do the combined birthday party for Kevin, Kerry, Nancy, Dawn and Chris my neighbor. Fall is a great time around here. I love Fall!!!! Anyone interested should contact me.

Small Child Big Mess!

I was blow drying my daughter's hair when I found my 3yr. old son running around naked. He was supposed to be dressing himself. Instead, he decided to go to the potty, and in doing so, put about a half of a roll of toilet paper in the bowl before flushing it. Needless to say, the water flowed onto the bathroom floor until it came crashing through my kitchen below. I ran downstairs to find a fountain coming out of my kitchen chandelier. The water had a mission. The mission was to make it to the basement, which it did. We have a lot of work ahead of us. I know someday we will laugh about this story. I have so many good stories that I am racking up to tell to girlfriends and boyfriends of my children, in hopes that someday they will repent for the sins against their Mother.

Thanks for letting me vent,
Jeannie

A Vacation From Our Vacation

Hello everyone. We recently got back from a week of vacation. Well, it's more like vacation for everyone else, and part-time vacation for me. I think it went better than I had expected. Claire and Scott were pretty good for most of it. Kurt was with Grandma and Grandpa. I missed Kurt enormously. It just didn't feel right being on vacation without him. From now on....everyone goes on vacation together. Unless, of course, my husband wants to take me on a romantic, tropical vacation. I think I might have to wait 10 years or so before that happens! Maybe I'll have lost the chocolate pounds I put on from this Hershey Park vacation by then.
Now, I have to try to get things back in order. There's the endless laundry, the dirty house, and groceries. Just when I think things are back to normal, Kevin has a business trip. The cat brings in a live chipmunk, which is currently taking its vacation in my house!!! Remember that dog we used to have?.........Well.......I think there may be two less cats in this house if things don't get under control. I had to toss a dead chipmunk out of my foyer just 2 days ago!!! Kevin says the cats just want to please and impress me. No way, they wait for him to leave then they torture me! Needless to say, I'm not impressed.
Father's Day is this weekend, and the kids are looking forward to giving Kevin the presents that it took an hour to wrap tonight. Two preschoolers with tape and scissors seemed like an honest thing at first. Yeah right! I survived. More importantly, so did they. Kurt sat on the floor being his usual charming self, just enjoying whatever scraps of paper he could put into his mouth.
We are venturing to Aunt Diane and Uncle Mike's next weekend, and going to see Thomas the Train. I plan on catching up with my sisters and parents.
My mother is having some more chemotherapy, and seems to be taking it better. They have given her some other medication for post session symptoms. It seems to be helping her. I don't really have much to say on that subject, other than...I look at each day she is with us as a bonus.
Well, now that I had a chance to stop worrying about the chipmunk running around my house..I'd better get back to work. Time to fold the laundry. Hope all is well with everyone, and thanks for reading my blog today. - Jeannie

What's Going On??

I was just thinking to myself about how wacky things have gotten. The sweetest person in the world died this week. Her name was Vicki, and she was our next-door neighbor. She had a rare blood and heart disease. She was only 45. We are all in shock. I just don't understand how terrorist and evil people can survive in this world, and wonderful people like Vicki, are taken from us. I guess I am really angry with the reality of life. I know I am getting older, because things that never were of importance to me, are now very important to me. I just don't understand how this world works anymore. I don't think I have any faith in God anymore. I can only have faith in the people that I love and trust. I can only have faith in myself, to do what I feel is right for me and my family. I am begining to realize why people are the way they are, and value what it is that they value in life. I have a new perspective on life, and I hope it makes me a better person. Knowing Vicki was a blessing, and I am a better person for having her as a friend. We will all miss her immensely.

On another, less sad note, but equally wacky to me.......WHY WAS CHRIS DAUGHTRY CUT FROM AMERICAN IDOL!!! Ok, I don't have many addictive interests; however, I am a self proclaimed American Idol fanatic. I thought for sure that Chris would be the next American Idol. Their is something fishy going on behind the scenes. I think Tommy Matola from Sony, wanted to produce Chris, and paid off AI to make someone else the winner. This was so that Chris is not stuck into a contract with AI for the next couple of years. I really enjoyed watching him sing. I will miss him. Kevin and I decided to give our support to Taylor Hicks. Not that he is the best vocalist, but he is the most entertaining, and he always makes us smile. I really do enjoy the quality of his voice and the way it makes me feel. He is a guy who definately is positive and enjoys life.

I just don't know what is karmically going on in the world, or maybe it's me that 's seeing things differently, but I need to make some sense out of life. Things need to get balanced. I think we could all use a good dose of positivity and peace. Let's hope that the whole world can experience the exact opposite feeling of 9/11. Let's hope that something really positive happens in the world that will affect each and every one of us is in a blissful, happy way. If we raise our consciencousness to a level of peace, just maybe we will achieve peace. (whatever peace represents in your heart).

Here's wishing everyone a positive future full of life's joys and peace. Please know that I value each and every one of you that are a part of my life. And most of all, thanks for letting me vent to you again.

Love, Jeannie

What Happened to April?

It's been a while since I last wrote. I don't know what happened to April. I guess we were busy and ill. There was a cold/flu going around that everyone just kept giving to each other. Anyway, it's the first of May and Scott's 3rd birthday is tomorrow. We are looking forward to Kevin taking the day off work, and giving Scott the perfect day. Tomorrow is all about Scott day. He and Claire can't wait to break open the pinata. This is going to be a Scooby Doo party. Scott loves Scooby. I can't believe how fast they grow.
I gave Scott and Kurt haircuts yesterday. They look so handsome! Kurt is getting so big too. Claire has lost her baby features and looks like a little beauty. I am very proud of my children. I can't imagine the joy that the school years will bring. Life needs to slow down, because things are moving way too fast!
I hope everyone finds themselves well, and preparing for some warm, beautiful weather.

Take care, Jeannie

Kids Say The Darndest Things!

Every now and then I can imagine my daughter on the school debating team. She's only 4 1/2, but could probably make it now if she applied for the position. It gets harder to tell little fibs or try to get the smallest thing past them.

Either they are brilliant, or I am getting stupid with aging. Which is just wrong any way that you look at it. How are we supposed to keep up with these kids??? Now I know how hard my Mom had it when I tried to get her to help me with my Algebra or such. She would say that they did not learn that in school. I can't even fathom how much I won't know when my kids bring home the work.

There is joy and pride in the moment when your child "calls" you on something. One parent to the other, we laugh, but are silently proud. "That's my kid". Boy, am I in for an awakening or couple hundred.

On of the best parts, is when they are learning to speak. We still have that to look forward to with our son, Kurt. When Claire and Scott were learning to say "fork" they used to say "f--K", sounds like "duck". Yeah, it was especially embarassing when they would ask for a "f--k" in the diner at breakfast. We would have to put our hands over their mouths to get them to quiet down long enough for everyone around us to stop laughing. Kids say the darndest things! These are the times to remember.

Thanks for letting me vent,
Jeannie

Catching Up Before My Birthday

I I thought that I should catch up on life's moments. My 38th birthday is tomorrow. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it in writing! I can't believe that I am 38 years old. Man, I have a lot of things that I still need to do with my life. I hope I get the chance to do them all.

I wanted to attach some pictures of the kids and my family. We had a nice visit with my brother and sisters and our children, at my Mom and Dad's last weekend. My brother drove up from TN. We stayed with our good friends Pete and Kerry Wright and their children Delaney (in the pick with Claire) and Sean. The kids have been friends since birth. It's hard to believe how time flies.

Anyway, things are good here and time goes by too fast. I need to get myself excercising more, as I am already getting Spring fashion fever! I wore flip flops today, and they felt great! Now, I want to get another tatoo, but Kevin objects, to say the least. I guess I will have to find some other way to creatively express myself. I don't have much hair left, so that is not an option!

I hope all is well with everyone, and I look forward to make some trips when Spring decides to stay around for a while.

Thanks for tuning into my blog today and letting me vent,
Jeannie

Getting Older

I definately feel as though this year has aged me. As I approach my 38th birthday, I am overwhelmed by emotion. I have a lot to be thankful for this year. However, those good things have been overshadowed by a few of life's less positive lessons.

My son, Kurt was born about 8 months ago. That is the shining moment of the year. I was Matron of Honor in my best friend's wedding. We have known each other for 31 years and it was very important to me. On the other hand, my Mom is dying of Lung Cancer and my husband's uncle died yesterday morning of Lung Cancer. In some ways, I feel like a whirlpool of chaos is trying to suck my family into a dark hole. My husband, Kevin, may have to do an excessive amount of driving over the next few days, just so we call all spend the time with our families. I might mention that there is 7 feet of snow currently falling outside. He needs to drive up to Massachusettes, then back to New Jersey, then to PA. and Delaware, then back to NJ. again. I heard that my brother is driving from Tennessee to CT., back to TN. and then to DE. What is going on??? What is up with the karma these days?

It feels like the same circumstances are happening in some way, to everyone that I care about. I have told friends about my Mom, only to find out that they too have someone with Cancer dying or being treated for it. I have friends in the hospital trying to heal, and others dealing with their problems on a daily basis. I have friends who need a home of their own, and other friends who can't keep people out of their house. It seems like the world is going through some sort of feast or famine phase. I for one, am really tired of it.

I can't wait for Spring, because I feel like it will bring new life and new energy to everyone and everything. Maybe if we can all find a little more positivity in our lives each day, we can collectively raise this cloud of negativity that seems to be hoovering over us. I hope that everyone finds a little more joy, a little more peace and a little more comfort in each new day that life brings.

Maybe I've never noticed this stuff before because I thought of myself as the youngest in the family. I think that I have had to deal with alot of things this year that make me lose touch with my inner child. I feel like I haven't been able to be fun for my kids or husband or myself. I need to losen up and let go. I feel like I am fighting to be a kid, because all this adult stuff is going on around me. I don't want to deal with so much reality! I feel old. What's a person to do in order to get that sense of carefreeness back? I wish I knew.

Thanks for letting me vent,
Jeannie

Muddling Through

"Muddle" - confused, mixed up, unsorted. That pretty much explains the stage of the game of life these days. Everyone in my family is anxious about my Mother's first day of Chemotherapy tomorrow, March 1st. I, on the other hand, know just how she will play this one out. She'll stick it out just for one treatment, then give up. I know that Mom is doing this to show everyone some effort on her part. That would allow her guilt to eleviate long enough to get some rest. She really just wants to be done with everything.

I understand her all too well. My Mom is so strong, brave and determined. One thing she has always been is determined. She never tried for anything that she knew she wouldn't get. She never tried for something she didn't want. Circumstances surrounding her are changing this philosophy of her's. Now, she is doing things that she normally would care less about. But, because these things are so meaningful to others....she is making exceptions. I don't like to see her compromise who she is, and what she stands for. I would just like her to stand her ground and be happy with the choices that she makes, and the heck with what everybody thinks. I know this recent loss of control over life's situations is making her feel less like herself. I would hate to think that she just muddled through the last days of her life. I would love to see her go out with zest. She lives her life with zest for what is important to her, even if it is just gambling and chocolate tastycakes!

I really hope that once this week is past and the family has all come together...that Mom can do, say and feel the way she used to, with zest.

Thanks for letting me vent,
Jeannie

Life's Inventory

There comes certain times in everyone's life, when you take inventory. I mean a soulfull inventory. It can be relative to many different aspects of life, such as good friends, accomplishments, and happiness levels. But, utimately an inventory of what contributes to making our hearts and soul feel good.

With all that is happening in my world right now, I have come to take some inventory of my life. I know that I am where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. Everything and everyone has lead me to this moment. I will continue to learn from each event that tugs on my heart. I have wonderful friends and family that love me, unconditionally. I am lucky to be me.

With this said, maybe this is the reason that my Mother can be so strong at this time of her life. Maybe she feels that she has accomplished all that she has set out to do. Maybe she feels that she is where she is supposed to be at this moment. Maybe her heart is full of love received by friends and family. This inventory of life may contribute to her level of strength and calmness. It's almost like a graduation of life. Time to start a new business, take new inventory, make new dreams.

I realize by all these reflections, that life is made longer by each day that we embrace to the fullest. Each goal that we set to accomplish. Each relationship that we nurture and develop. There is time for all of us to make our souls happy and fulfilled. We just need to check our inventory every once in a while.

Thanks for letting me vent,
Jeannie

When A Parent Becomes Ill

I am currently accepting the fact that my mom has terminal small cell lung cancer. Though she is strong, I am not. I have come to realize that knowing you are going to die, is worse than a sudden death. At least, that is how I feel about the subject. It gives you too much idle time to think about every memory from as young as one can remember.

When you have small children at home, it is difficult to keep your feelings at bay. They sense it like dogs. They know you are sad. It is very difficult to try to explain, and sometimes not a good idea either.

I'm not sure where I am going with this post, except that I needed to put "it" out there. I like to use this blog as a journal to vent my feelings. And, in the process, maybe reach someone reading it. All I can say is "don't smoke", "love your children", "learn to appreciate who/where/what you came from". What does not kill us will ultimately make us stronger. I hope that is true in the end.

Thanks for letting me vent,
Jeannie

How To Speak to Your Children

When it came to disipline, I was clueless. I can say that, now that I have learned some new techniques on how to talk to your children. Apparently, we condition our kids to respond sort of the way a prisoner responds to corporal punishment. Corporal punishment meaning to control, demean, and or strike a person. How many times have you threatened or bribed your kids to eat or go potty using a stern voice? Believe or not, that is not ok.
I recently received an audio disc called "Dawn Talk". It is by this woman who has over 60,000 hours as a caregiver with children. She has a bunch of credits to her name as well. But, the important thing is that she knows first hand what really works with kids. I started to try her techniques. Both my husband and myself were astounded to see the results. I don't even recognise my kids anymore. I had no idea that my children could be so nice! I find that my stress level has come down tremendously; and that is a huge accomplishment in this home of 3 children. I used to think I gave birth to unruly animals, but apparently not. I am so pleased with this cd, that I can't wait to get to the second disc. That's right, I haven't even got through the first one yet, and it is working wonders!
The basic jist of the whole program is to speak to your children like you are creating a visual picture for them. Kids comprehend things visually. So by telling them "No", you are not creating a visual picture. But by saying "That is not for throwing", you are creating a visual picture. I have hardly used the word "No" around here these past few days. The nice thing is that my kids don't use the word "No" much either. They really do try to model us.
The best part about this whole discovery, is that my kids are happier. I am seeing more creativity out of them. They are much more pleasant to be with. They tell me that I'm there best friend, and how much they love me. I almost want to cry. It really is an awesome product. So, if you are having a problem communicating with unruly children. It may not be them that's the problem, but rather, the way you are speaking with them. I would highly recommend getting "Dawn Talk" from Amazon.com. I hope everyone finds this as helpful as I did.

Thanks again for letting me vent,
Jeannie

A Good Mom?

Do you ever wonder if you are a good mom? I ask myself that question every day. What pressure! What resposibility! To think that you are molding your children's future and their little minds. What if you make a misteake? Will they talk about it in therapy when the're 30? Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

The hardest part of parenting for me, is dealing with the guilt and the worry. I worry about things that won't even take part in their lives for another 16 years or so. I feel guilty that I did not give them what they wanted or needed. I feel guilty that I may have hurt their self-esteem in some way.

I think venting to other adults and having a sense of accountability for your actions and thoughts, is essential to being a good mom/parent. I make my husband my accountability partner. I tell him when I think I did a horrible job of being a mom one day, and a great job of being a mom the next. I don't keep any secrets about things that I said to my children, that may creep up to bite me in the butt at a later date. My kids love to repeat every new thing that comes out of my mouth!

A good behavior chart keeps my 3 kids in check. I give stars for good behavior. Consequently, I take stars away for bad behavior. I am learning not to be negative, and try to give most situations a positive spin. It's hard to do. Sometimes you just have to walk away and take a deep breath.

If I can get through a day having had a shower, all the kids ate, are clean, and had a decent bowel movement, the floor is not a complete disaster, and they told me they love me at least once.....then I can lay my head on the pillow at night and know that I was a good mom today.

Thanks for letting me vent,
Jeannie