Getting Older

I definately feel as though this year has aged me. As I approach my 38th birthday, I am overwhelmed by emotion. I have a lot to be thankful for this year. However, those good things have been overshadowed by a few of life's less positive lessons.

My son, Kurt was born about 8 months ago. That is the shining moment of the year. I was Matron of Honor in my best friend's wedding. We have known each other for 31 years and it was very important to me. On the other hand, my Mom is dying of Lung Cancer and my husband's uncle died yesterday morning of Lung Cancer. In some ways, I feel like a whirlpool of chaos is trying to suck my family into a dark hole. My husband, Kevin, may have to do an excessive amount of driving over the next few days, just so we call all spend the time with our families. I might mention that there is 7 feet of snow currently falling outside. He needs to drive up to Massachusettes, then back to New Jersey, then to PA. and Delaware, then back to NJ. again. I heard that my brother is driving from Tennessee to CT., back to TN. and then to DE. What is going on??? What is up with the karma these days?

It feels like the same circumstances are happening in some way, to everyone that I care about. I have told friends about my Mom, only to find out that they too have someone with Cancer dying or being treated for it. I have friends in the hospital trying to heal, and others dealing with their problems on a daily basis. I have friends who need a home of their own, and other friends who can't keep people out of their house. It seems like the world is going through some sort of feast or famine phase. I for one, am really tired of it.

I can't wait for Spring, because I feel like it will bring new life and new energy to everyone and everything. Maybe if we can all find a little more positivity in our lives each day, we can collectively raise this cloud of negativity that seems to be hoovering over us. I hope that everyone finds a little more joy, a little more peace and a little more comfort in each new day that life brings.

Maybe I've never noticed this stuff before because I thought of myself as the youngest in the family. I think that I have had to deal with alot of things this year that make me lose touch with my inner child. I feel like I haven't been able to be fun for my kids or husband or myself. I need to losen up and let go. I feel like I am fighting to be a kid, because all this adult stuff is going on around me. I don't want to deal with so much reality! I feel old. What's a person to do in order to get that sense of carefreeness back? I wish I knew.

Thanks for letting me vent,
Jeannie