Muddling Through

"Muddle" - confused, mixed up, unsorted. That pretty much explains the stage of the game of life these days. Everyone in my family is anxious about my Mother's first day of Chemotherapy tomorrow, March 1st. I, on the other hand, know just how she will play this one out. She'll stick it out just for one treatment, then give up. I know that Mom is doing this to show everyone some effort on her part. That would allow her guilt to eleviate long enough to get some rest. She really just wants to be done with everything.

I understand her all too well. My Mom is so strong, brave and determined. One thing she has always been is determined. She never tried for anything that she knew she wouldn't get. She never tried for something she didn't want. Circumstances surrounding her are changing this philosophy of her's. Now, she is doing things that she normally would care less about. But, because these things are so meaningful to others....she is making exceptions. I don't like to see her compromise who she is, and what she stands for. I would just like her to stand her ground and be happy with the choices that she makes, and the heck with what everybody thinks. I know this recent loss of control over life's situations is making her feel less like herself. I would hate to think that she just muddled through the last days of her life. I would love to see her go out with zest. She lives her life with zest for what is important to her, even if it is just gambling and chocolate tastycakes!

I really hope that once this week is past and the family has all come together...that Mom can do, say and feel the way she used to, with zest.

Thanks for letting me vent,
Jeannie

Life's Inventory

There comes certain times in everyone's life, when you take inventory. I mean a soulfull inventory. It can be relative to many different aspects of life, such as good friends, accomplishments, and happiness levels. But, utimately an inventory of what contributes to making our hearts and soul feel good.

With all that is happening in my world right now, I have come to take some inventory of my life. I know that I am where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. Everything and everyone has lead me to this moment. I will continue to learn from each event that tugs on my heart. I have wonderful friends and family that love me, unconditionally. I am lucky to be me.

With this said, maybe this is the reason that my Mother can be so strong at this time of her life. Maybe she feels that she has accomplished all that she has set out to do. Maybe she feels that she is where she is supposed to be at this moment. Maybe her heart is full of love received by friends and family. This inventory of life may contribute to her level of strength and calmness. It's almost like a graduation of life. Time to start a new business, take new inventory, make new dreams.

I realize by all these reflections, that life is made longer by each day that we embrace to the fullest. Each goal that we set to accomplish. Each relationship that we nurture and develop. There is time for all of us to make our souls happy and fulfilled. We just need to check our inventory every once in a while.

Thanks for letting me vent,
Jeannie

When A Parent Becomes Ill

I am currently accepting the fact that my mom has terminal small cell lung cancer. Though she is strong, I am not. I have come to realize that knowing you are going to die, is worse than a sudden death. At least, that is how I feel about the subject. It gives you too much idle time to think about every memory from as young as one can remember.

When you have small children at home, it is difficult to keep your feelings at bay. They sense it like dogs. They know you are sad. It is very difficult to try to explain, and sometimes not a good idea either.

I'm not sure where I am going with this post, except that I needed to put "it" out there. I like to use this blog as a journal to vent my feelings. And, in the process, maybe reach someone reading it. All I can say is "don't smoke", "love your children", "learn to appreciate who/where/what you came from". What does not kill us will ultimately make us stronger. I hope that is true in the end.

Thanks for letting me vent,
Jeannie

How To Speak to Your Children

When it came to disipline, I was clueless. I can say that, now that I have learned some new techniques on how to talk to your children. Apparently, we condition our kids to respond sort of the way a prisoner responds to corporal punishment. Corporal punishment meaning to control, demean, and or strike a person. How many times have you threatened or bribed your kids to eat or go potty using a stern voice? Believe or not, that is not ok.
I recently received an audio disc called "Dawn Talk". It is by this woman who has over 60,000 hours as a caregiver with children. She has a bunch of credits to her name as well. But, the important thing is that she knows first hand what really works with kids. I started to try her techniques. Both my husband and myself were astounded to see the results. I don't even recognise my kids anymore. I had no idea that my children could be so nice! I find that my stress level has come down tremendously; and that is a huge accomplishment in this home of 3 children. I used to think I gave birth to unruly animals, but apparently not. I am so pleased with this cd, that I can't wait to get to the second disc. That's right, I haven't even got through the first one yet, and it is working wonders!
The basic jist of the whole program is to speak to your children like you are creating a visual picture for them. Kids comprehend things visually. So by telling them "No", you are not creating a visual picture. But by saying "That is not for throwing", you are creating a visual picture. I have hardly used the word "No" around here these past few days. The nice thing is that my kids don't use the word "No" much either. They really do try to model us.
The best part about this whole discovery, is that my kids are happier. I am seeing more creativity out of them. They are much more pleasant to be with. They tell me that I'm there best friend, and how much they love me. I almost want to cry. It really is an awesome product. So, if you are having a problem communicating with unruly children. It may not be them that's the problem, but rather, the way you are speaking with them. I would highly recommend getting "Dawn Talk" from Amazon.com. I hope everyone finds this as helpful as I did.

Thanks again for letting me vent,
Jeannie

A Good Mom?

Do you ever wonder if you are a good mom? I ask myself that question every day. What pressure! What resposibility! To think that you are molding your children's future and their little minds. What if you make a misteake? Will they talk about it in therapy when the're 30? Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

The hardest part of parenting for me, is dealing with the guilt and the worry. I worry about things that won't even take part in their lives for another 16 years or so. I feel guilty that I did not give them what they wanted or needed. I feel guilty that I may have hurt their self-esteem in some way.

I think venting to other adults and having a sense of accountability for your actions and thoughts, is essential to being a good mom/parent. I make my husband my accountability partner. I tell him when I think I did a horrible job of being a mom one day, and a great job of being a mom the next. I don't keep any secrets about things that I said to my children, that may creep up to bite me in the butt at a later date. My kids love to repeat every new thing that comes out of my mouth!

A good behavior chart keeps my 3 kids in check. I give stars for good behavior. Consequently, I take stars away for bad behavior. I am learning not to be negative, and try to give most situations a positive spin. It's hard to do. Sometimes you just have to walk away and take a deep breath.

If I can get through a day having had a shower, all the kids ate, are clean, and had a decent bowel movement, the floor is not a complete disaster, and they told me they love me at least once.....then I can lay my head on the pillow at night and know that I was a good mom today.

Thanks for letting me vent,
Jeannie